Posted by l0llygaggin on 2006.12.17 at 05:26
Current Mood: depressed
Current Music: Hurt - Christine Aguillara
I have a food addiction! I don't know how to beat it. I don't know how to live with it. I don't know how to deal with it.
I grew up normal sized but with a father who told me how disgusting and fat I was. He felt that at 5'8" and 160 lbs, I was too fat and that I needed to weigh under 129 lbs. That was his magic number. Because I didn't, he forced me to do extreme exercises every morning at 4 am. I'm talking 200 jumping jacks, 300 sit ups, 180 push ups, 180 4 count leglifts, 180 8 count leglifts, 180 knee bends and sometimes another 200 jumping jacks. Sometimes it was 1x a day, sometimes 2x a day.
Therefore, i hate exercise.
I think that once I got out on my own, I went crazy with food. I started eating because I could. I ate whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted, in my 20's. I used to eat 1 3/4 pizzas I'd have delivered from Dominoes or Pizza Hut. I'd eat 2 foot long subs I'd get from Subway. Sometimes do the subs for lunch, then pizzas for dinner in the same day. I have no clue what I got up to in weight in my 20s as I didn't have a scale. I only know I wore size 26 at one point.
My 30's I reduced the quantity. I no longer ate as much as I did in my 20's. I still kept up on the unhealthy food. My 30's brought me a new marriage (the first one of my 20's being a very unhealthy marriage). My husband now is perpetually skinny and eats all the junk food he wants without gaining a single pound. But as for me, my 30's just continued the laziness and eating junk food (at a lesser quantity).
I just hit 40 and I'm still overweight. I still detest exercise. While I am currently wearing a size 20 jeans, I have regained 12 pounds of the 55 pounds I lost so far this year (going from my highest known weight in Jan 06). I am in danger of losing all the progress I have made and I don't know how to STOP the insanity.
I am married to someone in the military and we're currently stationed in Germany. Counseling isn't an option right now. I can go to the Dr. and get help there, but need to wait til after the holidays. It's really hard to get in for a dr. appt. with troops coming back and with the holidays combined. I've thought of the gastric bypass surgery but it honestly scares me...I think the control being taken out of my hands (not being able to eat whatever whenever) is one of the aspects that appeals to me.
How can I get motivated and re-started again and not lose ground gained after X amount of time?
Posted by l0llygaggin on 2006.10.31 at 02:57
Current Mood: contemplative
Current Music: Five For Fighting- (Don't know name of song)
I'm still here...I'm 50 pounds down and at a standstill.
I could be doing better and I could probably be another 25lbs down.
HOWEVER...I'm not using my strict control I was using before.
I need to get back on track.
I was doing so well when I was posting daily here.
I'm working at the commissary now....which is good cuz I am working in the Produce section...the section I need to be eating out of. It's kinda like a daily reminder. I was working for the other civilian employer on post, and loved that job too, but it pays half of what the commissary pays. I also lost my strict control while working there....everyone ate out for lunch every day and I was failing at controlling my eating. I was eating out at Popeyes, Taco Bell & Burger King. Perhaps this move to the commissary will help me re-focus.
I am currently working on Dr. Phil's book "The Ultimate Weight Solution".
I'd like to start over, beginning today.
Anyone care to join me?
Posted by nyxks on 2006.09.27 at 16:29
Well the following below the cut, is a selection of my eating habits for the past few days ... getting more then 1,200 in a day is not easy of late and on top of it I'm not hungry so for the most part am eating on a time schedual and even then when I eat its not easy to get though the food even if its split into 6 small meals a day.( Read more...Collapse )
Posted by l0llygaggin on 2006.09.27 at 21:06
Current Mood: moody
Current Music: Starting Over - John Lennon
Day 1- 26 Sep- Tuesday
Daily Totals: (no food after 5:15 pm)
1011 Calories, 63 Carbs, 23 Fat, 55 Protein, 6 Fiber, 1543mg Sodium
Day 2- 27 Sep- Wednesday
Daily Totals: (no food after 6:20 pm)
794 Calories, 88 Carbs, 10 Fat, 86 Protein, 18 Fiber, 338mg Sodium
Ok, I guess I'm back on track finally. I still need to get the "addiction" of going to the gym back again...but at least I am making progress in the right direction.
I did sweep and mop the stairwell today, all 4 flights of them. Also mopped kitchen and bathroom and got a lot of walking in at work. Surely this counts for something.
BTW- I'm still up 6 lbs.
Posted by l0llygaggin on 2006.09.21 at 06:59
Current Mood: disappointed
Do you know what it is like to work your butt off on a project and for a long while make progress, just to "lose it" and slide downhill? I got down 55 lbs and TOM comes for the monthly visit and takes away 6 lbs of progress. Usually I lose the minimal weight gain by the 2nd day of TOM, but this time I'm 6 days into TOM and I'm STILL up 6 lbs. This is depressing and defeating! I decided that I am going to take a break from this all and restart with a new "Day 1" on Monday. As for the gym...I lost 4 days on that...but I have since gone back. I haven't fallen off plan, I've just taken a "kick in the teeth" by TOM.
I will succeed at this food addiction, weight loss quest. It is just a matter of time. Those are the key words for anyone looking to lose weight...IT IS JUST A MATTER OF TIME!!!!
Posted by l0llygaggin on 2006.09.17 at 13:59
Breakfast: 1 sl bacon, egg beater omelet
Lunch: 2 SW eggrolls
Posted by l0llygaggin on 2006.09.16 at 14:01
Current Mood: irritated
I'm having a freakin' lousy day again.
egg beater omelet, 3 bacon
Posted by l0llygaggin on 2006.09.15 at 20:35
Coming in at 800 calories.
Went to gym last nite and tonite.
Posted by l0llygaggin on 2006.09.14 at 21:42
I'm having trouble with my laptop again...so, until I can get this sorted out, I'm gonna have posts of just giving my calories for the day. I'm not quitting and I'm not slowing down and I'm not slacking.
I am coming in around 900 calories tonite. Also went to gym.
Posted by l0llygaggin on 2006.09.13 at 07:37
( Today's AccountabilityCollapse )
858 Calories, 69 Carbs, 38 Fat, 41 Protein, 4 Fiber, 1911mg Sodium
.I got one helluva stomach ache tonite, noticed it at gym
60 minutes gym time
Posted by l0llygaggin on 2006.09.13 at 07:36
( Today's AccountabilityCollapse )
793 Calories, 63 Carbs, 13 Fat, 104 Protein, 6 Fiber, 916mg Sodium
60 Minutes Gym, 15 Minute Walk, LOTS of stairs.
Posted by l0llygaggin on 2006.09.11 at 21:03
Current Mood: touched
Current Music: Mine Eyes Have Seen The Glory - Glory Glory Hallelujah
Five years ago my husband swore back into the military. As he arrived home, he found me hanging up clothes on the clothesline. While he was talking about what he just did, someone came running by us shouting "they're bombing us". Mike and I went in and turned on the TV just as the 2nd plane crashed into the WTC. The rest is history.( Today's AccountabilityCollapse )
1063 Calories, 84 Carbs, 35 Fat, 104 Protein, 5 Fiber, 2420mg Sodium
Yuppers! I made it to the gym again. Even took a short walk tonite.
Posted by cierrablue on 2006.09.10 at 16:56
Current Mood: restless
Tuna melt 534
Running total: 894
Posted by l0llygaggin on 2006.09.10 at 10:22
Current Mood: amused
I can do it!!!!
I BELIEVE I can do it!( Today's AccountabilityCollapse )
963 Calories, 109 Fat, 18 Fat, 103 Protein, 22 Fiber, 2322mg Sodium
Posted by cierrablue on 2006.09.09 at 18:52
Current Mood: working
Current Music: cold case files
I didn't track yesterday. :( I know. Shame on me. I did drink 4 cups ow water and did aerobics for a half-hour though.
omelette/juice/mini bagel 649
Running total: 649
Exercise: 20 mins
Posted by l0llygaggin on 2006.09.09 at 08:14
Current Mood: content
Current Music: Throw It All Away - Toby Rand (Rockstar Supernova)
Another pound down!( Today's AccountabilityCollapse )
1166 Calories, 72 Carbs, 43 Fat, 124 Protein, 20 Fiber, 1749mg Sodium
Posted by l0llygaggin on 2006.09.08 at 08:37
Current Mood: optimistic
( Today's AccountabilityCollapse )
1119 Calories, 100 Carbs, 39 Fat, 100 Protein, 12 Fiber, 2557mg Sodium
Day 4 - Gym
Posted by l0llygaggin on 2006.09.07 at 07:38
Current Mood: happy
Current Music: I'm So Excited! - Pointer Sisters
I MADE IT!!!!
I hit the next decade this morning!Halloween Goal!( Today's AccountabilityCollapse )
776 Calories, 66 Carbs, 31 Fat, 60 Protein, 9 Fiber, 1851mg Sodium
Posted by cierrablue on 2006.09.06 at 18:57
Late posting today... but better late than never. Right?
Running total 756
Posted by l0llygaggin on 2006.09.06 at 08:22
Current Mood: irritated
I made it to the gym last nite!!!!
Have to go tonite to meet my other "Lose To Win" teammates, but other than that, Nicole and I plan to go Tues-Thurs-Sat nites. Maybe we can sneak in walks the other nites. She can't go other nites cuz there's no one to watch her toddlers.
Lose To Win is a program the Army is putting on for people who want to lose weight. We have 10 wks of weigh in's and our Body Fat as well as our weight. I went down a half pound and .5 on my body fat (now 41.7) for my first weigh in. I didn't try to lose either. This week I'm trying. We shall see.
I upped my calories for breakfast since on work days I don't have time for lunch.
Egg Beaters Omelet, 5 sausage links, toast - 389 Calories
Protein Drink - 110 Calories
2 Cheese Sticks - 160 Calories
Salisbury Steak - Healthy Choice - 350 Calories
1009 Calories, 64 Carbs, 28 Fat, 91 Protein, 9 Fiber, 2389mg Sodium